AETHERIC: I Have No Idea What That Word Means But It Sounds As Lame As Their Music

Genre: Metal. Location: Minneapolis, MN, USA.

My first venture into the tech/prog/deathcore review arena is Aetheric. Not a very brutal name at all, guys. But then again, neither are you

This shit meanders across valleys and mountains of noodling lamer than a bowl of two-week-old pork ramen soup. It’s supposed to fool you into thinking it’s musicianship, but frankly, Donald Trump on a coke binge (or Twitter binge, I’m thinking they’re the same for him-but I digress) is way easier to believe. Try again, guys.

Somewhere in all this masturbatory ego-stroking I found a few things I liked, though. Those breaks in between songs were some of the best I’ve ever heard, actually.

This whole album plays like interspecies naked twister during an earthquake. On Viagra and tequila. In a nursing home. How did anyone think that was going to end well?

This band is so awful, even Jesus isn’t going to forgive them.

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