Synopsis Release an e.p. Titled “Call of The Void”-And It Is Abysmal

By Steve Shagwell For Your Band Sucks.

Genre: death metal.

Location: Minneapolis, MN-USA

Well here we are…Tearing Synopsis a new asshole again. The launch of the v2.duh version of Your Band Sucks would not be complete without digging into these guys. They have a long history with Your Band Sucks, and no amount of restraining orders from either side has been able to change that.

Of course these guys have been busy…busy jacking off, that is. The proof is evident in the new album, which is not even an album-it’s an e.p.! Of course an album light on content is appropriate when coming from a band that is light on substance, which is really the only good thing I have to say about this complete waste of the internet’s time.

There are six songs here, which is actually seven songs too many. But, this is what it is. I’m going to walk you through them like an Allied soldier walking German citizens through a concentration camp right after the war because I think it’s important that you see what your apathy has allowed to flourish.

This album starts with the title track, “Call of The Void”. This is an interesting start for this album as it changes speed a lot, much like a paint-huffing Juggalo stumbling through a junkyard.  It will no doubt impale itself on something rusty and die of infection, but not before stumbling its way through 5 more songs and getting mauled by feral guard dogs that will no doubt be earning their keep and then some.

From there it goes into “Culling of The Masses”-a slow, plodding march that brings to mind the lead vocalist of this band drooling on himself because, well, that’s just what he does! He drools on himself and writes songs like this, as demonstrated by the quality of songwriting we see here. I really hope this guy doesn’t drive, because if he does, not even staying off the streets will keep you safe from getting run over by a monster truck of generic riffs and even more generic rhythms.

But hey, why stop there? After all, who needs an I.Q.? Not anyone who listens to this band! That’s why another slow, plodding, and drooling half-wit of a song is up next! ‘Limb From Limb’ Delivers more of the same, with an extra dose of cough syrup for good measure. Honestly, this thing moves about as well as it excels-meaning it doesn’t. This half-wit song could get lost in a barn. Frankly, I hope it does, and dies there too.

Well I’m glad they got the slow, plodding, and stupid material done with early; because two songs of that ridiculousness is quite enough for-Oh for fuck’s sake, really??? Another one??? Yes folks, this band is as close to a one-trick pony as it gets. Except it’s not a pony, because ponies are well-endowed-and this song is impotent as all fuck. This song couldn’t deliver if it snorted viagra and ate a Chicago-style pizza made out of horny goat weed. We have another slow plodder here, with extra drool and some fentanyl to go with the cough syrup. ‘Aokigahara’ is a straight-up masterpiece of suck that would put you right to sleep if it wasn’t so annoying.

Someone told me that maybe I just need to get on this album’s level and put my brain in sync with this slow, plodding disaster. Well, fine then. It is with a slow, plodding sense of dread that I march into the next song ‘Gardens of Flesh And Bone’. And it is with a fast, frantic sense of panic that I skip ahead because FUCK THIS.

Believe it or not, I manage to stay in sync with this song for a minute because fuck me running, i actually comes in fast and hard! But then again, so does a drone strike, and nobody enjoys those either so I don’t know, just fuck all this. I’m done.

This album is slow most or the time, stupid most of the time, and boring as fuck all of the time.