Steve Shagwell
Genre: thrash metal.
Location: Minneapolis, MN-USA
Minneapolis, Minnesota-also known as the land of 10,000 Johnsons-is known for an abundance of music. But what it’s not so well known for is an abundance of that art form that tries to pass itself off as legitimate music, an art form known as extreme metal.
Now, before extreme metal heads get their can koozies in a bunch, I want to make clear that in no way am I not saying they should not be taken seriously. That would be a grave mistake, much like failing to take a chemical spill seriously. A chemical spill can release toxic chemicals into the air, making everyone within a 20-mile radius stupider than a gathering of incels at a Trapt concert. So yes, we should take this attempt at an art form seriously.
This video is live footage of the band on stage, tinted red for extra angsty angst, and what can best be described as a bunch of LSD overdoses running into each other, the stage, and anything else within charging distance. The song alternates between slow heavy chugging and rapid-fire thrashing like a bipolar hoe alternating between posting “OMG I LoVe My MaN SO MuCh sOuLmAtEs FoR LiFe!” and “Im sO oVeR FuCkBoYs Im NeVeR DaTiNg oNe AgaiN!’ On her social media every 24 hours.
The words “breathe in breathe out” flash across the screen and I’m really glad about that because watching this made me so stupid I almost forgot how to do just that.This song is three minutes and 22 seconds of my life that I’ll never get back, coupled with a good 60 or so lost I.Q. Points that I’ll never get back.
Agony Reigns has a pretty big fan base for a band in their position and it speaks to their level of achievement. Here’s another achievement of theirs: Agony Reigns started as a thrash metal band, but they have been incorporating other styles of extreme metal into their sound and making those styles suck as well-so give them some credit, this is a band that doesn’t settle-and they get shit done. Unfortunately, when they threw these different styles into the blender, they forgot to put the lid on and it made an awful mess.
Between all of the hair flying and bodies smashing into each other, I couldn’t tell if I was watching a music video or an orgy under the spell of St. Vitus’s dance. I mean, the soundtrack is certainly suited to such an orgy, so it tracks. Or, maybe I give them too much credit. Maybe it’s just a horde of lost souls desperately trying to escape a vortex of musical misery. Perhaps it’s less a mosh pit and more a collision of bodies desperately seeking an exit from the auditory nightmare that is an Agony Reigns live performance.
Agony Reigns clearly puts a lot of work into their craft, and they put a lot into this video. But in the end, all I can say is that this video disappointed me like ben Shapiro disappoints his wife.
Agony Reigns just finished recording two songs at Signaturetone Studios, which they will be releasing in 2024. They promise that these will be their heaviest songs yet-and, we guess, most likely their hardest to digest.
Spotify: Agony Reigns
Apple Music: Agony Reigns
Amazon Music: Agony Reigns
YouTube: @AgonyReigns
Instagram: @agonyreignsofficial
Facebook: @agonyreignsofficial
TikTok: @agonyreignsofficial
Bandcamp: @agonyreignsofficial
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