Steve Shagwell
Genre: progressive metal
Location: Los Angeles, CA-USA
Prog metal is an interesting case study of when you are too ADHD to write an actual song, so you just say ‘fuck it’ and cobble a bunch of parts together like Frankenstein and then-just like Frankenstein-you wonder why nobody likes your creation. I’ll forgo the obvious analogy of horrible acts carried out by said abomination upon your ears and the natural result, and just get into taking a torch and pitchfork to one of these lumbering abominations that stumbled across my speakers. It’s called ‘Walls’, and it was put together by some mad scientists in Los Angeles who probably took too much of whatever the designer drug du jour happens to be these days.
‘Walls’ is the advance single off their new album ‘Beyond The Light’, dropping next Friday. And I gotta tell you, if that album is anywhere near as discombobulated as this song, It’s gonna need to come with a Ritalin prescription.
The sound effects at the beginning of the song sound really ominous, creating the perfect sense of dread needed for anyone who hasn’t had to listen to these guys before. The rest of us are aware of what we’re getting into and we’ve already taken a strong pre-emptive dose of tequila to counter the overwhelming disappointment, but for newcomers, this will be quite a shock. It jumps into a bouncy heavy groove which you’re probably thinking is a good thing, but it’s important to realize here that something this dumb is best off not moving-for its own safety and everyone else’s.
There’s these verses that sound like Mike Patton phoned in some shit that he originally discarded and then pulled out of the trash can to let a bunch of suckers use for their song. But that is where the similarities to Mike Patton end, because Mike Patton is a god of alternative metal and Aeonic Impulse are mortals who were born in abject poverty next to an oil refinery, so they’re dying of cancer.
In addition to the aforementioned verses, there are parts with a lot of tension and deep vibes. Kind of like a 40-year old virgin at spring break in Cancun, but more awkward. I can almost feel those verses glaring awkwardly at me while I tap a keg and then tap whatever thot they were picturing a monogamous future with. Fucking chumps….
These vocals are running the whole range, like a flock of chickens that ate fermented seeds, and they’re running into every tree and bush that exists. It’s a pity nobody had any sense to put down some bear traps to get this shit under control, but to be fair, this whole song is such an abominable display of shock and awe that one can be forgiven for not doing anything besides peeing themselves in horror.
At the end of the day, what I am left with after listening to this is pretty much what I expected…
Literally nothing.
’Walls’ is the advance single from Aeonic Impulse’s forthcoming full-length, a magnum oops! called ‘Beyond The Light’. The official release event will be Friday, August 18, 2023 in Torrance, California at Project Barley Square Brewery And Pub. We have no idea if there’s a dress code, but wear a polo shirt and chinos or some other generic white people shit just to be safe.
Amazon Music: Aeonic Impulse
Apple Music: Aeonic Impulse
Facebook: @aeonicimpulse
Instagram: @aeonicimpulse
Bandcamp: @aeonicimpulse
YouTube: @aeonicimpulseband
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