KILL EVERYTHING: No. Just kill me. Please.

Genre: Death Metal. Location: Dallas, TX.

Dude. Get a fucking load of this video.


One would be hard pressed to find anything cheesier and dumber than the old Horror movie footage in this thing, but this band found each other and voila! We found something! Their fucking music. I swear, this shit is about as uninspiring as a CNN anchor on heroin. And still, somebody signed these jack wagons! Well, when your label is called Comatose I guess you have an image to maintain…

These guys obviously lift so I shouldn’t go too hard on them in case the bass player finds where I live through Facebook or something, but-

Oh fuck it…I can’t go soft on these crackers. They make it too easy. This is like shooting kittens in a barrel. And these kittens LIFT, brah. Totally brootal kittens.

Soooo…. I will lock. And. Load. And LOL.

I guess their presentation is supposed to be intimidating. Bitch, please. I was high-fived by a kindergartner today. These totally brootal kittens ain’t got shit on that. I suppose it sounds scary, if you use the mute button. Maybe. It will bring relief, at any rate-so go ahead and use it. But here’s a clue, guys. If I can picture you in a polo shirt at your day job, you’re doing intimidating all wrong. Satan doesn’t look like he’s about to tell a Dad joke. He can also actually play an instrument, but that’s beside the point.

These guys need a new hobby. Collecting vintage Star Wars toys, perhaps?

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