MASTIFF: More Like A Fucking Poodle

Genre: metal. Location: Minneapolis, MN.

Oh looky here! Kendall Jenner from Glutton For Bukkake is back, and she’s got another band! Just listen to her roar! Grrrrrr Tiger!

Come on Steve, I said. You gotta pay the bills, I said. Besides, the band’s called Mastiff, I said. That’s a really intimidating beast so it might just rule, I said.

So I did and now fuck you Steve, I say. I was picturing a massive, alpha male of a heavy metal dog for sound. I got a bitch instead.

I need a shower and a chick flick, because listening to this band cost me so much testosterone I don’t even want my manhood back. I am total prison wife material thanks to these happy-footed Brendas.

This band needs someone to kick them in the nuts and explain to them the futility of their music or whatever it is. Unfortunately, bitches have none so I guess we’re all stuck with this shit for awhile. Can we at least spay them so that they can’t reproduce?

Big dogs run in the tall grass. This shit just gets lost there and then eaten by fire ants. Or maybe an emo band. Fuck, I don’t know.

Mastiff? Bitch please, you’re the fucking fire hydrant.

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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MASTIFFMN/

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/0sRdvwko5DTiYJTIMjOAuw

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MYCGVUE/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_YYIizbWQASNFT

Zero Budget Records: http://zerobudgetrecords.com

Twin Town Tyrant Records: http://twintowntyrant.com

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