STRICTLY HAMMERS: More Like Strictly Awful

Genre: Rap. Location: Duluth, MN.

FINALLY. A band that isn’t punk or metal! Imagine my excitement that I would get to break the monotony.

Well, shit. They’re adding to it. Hell, these folk are singing me to sleep right now.

They are rapping (kinda) over beats (kinda) that sound like epileptic parakeets with down syndrome, drunk on tequila. I want to pet these poor birds and tell them it will be alright, but it won’t, so I won’t. I will say, though, that I waited all winter for summer to come, and now that it’s here I just want it to be winter again so these damn birds fly south already. Thanks for ruining my summer before it even began, you damn birds.

I tried having sex to this but awkward rhythms make for awkward rhythm, if you know what I mean. Besides, my hand wouldn’t stop reaching for the volume button, which makes it hard for me to fuck my hand. She always has an excuse, I think she’s losing interest. But these tracks certainly didn’t help. If this was an aphrodisiac, it would be named “Love Potion Number Derp”. I fucking swear.

Strictly hammers? More like strictly dildos.



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